today

the view today. beautiful. quiet.

today i am 35. i have always loved birthdays, especially my own. not today. well not last night or the night before, the idea of 35 was not sitting so kindly with me. i couldn't figure out why. i thought maybe it's because i still feel 30. 30 was fun, 30 is when my boy came, transforming me into a mother, a stronger, gentler, kinder, more confident version of myself. but where was 31? 32? 33? 34? it seems like i went from 30 to 35. i'm not sure how that happened since i don't know if it really counts as a day if you don't sleep? and i surely have not slept in 5 years. but today it is ok. 35 is just how old my body is, my spaceship for existence in this journey. 35 makes it half my life i've known my husband, and he makes everything so fun. i have a love filled marriage, amazing kids, my life is so full. maybe that's why 35 was bothering me, because it all seems to be moving so fast. and i know that someday i will be wondering where the last 35 years have gone, not just the last 5. so i will continue to enjoy every moment of this year, laughing, playing in the snow, tickling my kids, creating, and spending as much time as possible with that wonderful husband of mine, who somehow with just a few words and a timely card, made today seem like the wonderful day it is.

old tank tops and new bags

i have had much of my clothing for over 15 years. i know that some would think that's sad. but i don't. i really don't care about fashion, i like to dress in jeans and a black t-shirt. i have to update the jeans because the waistlines and styles keep changing, but mostly they have to be replaced anyway because they are ripping in crazy places. i like old navy, i like shopping online. i occasionally like to find a unique sweatshirt or top. i do like to look nice sometimes but it's not something i like to spend a lot of time doing. in my previous "professional" life i was a graphic designer and the attire at my office was casual, not business casual, flip flop casual, so it was great. i am also a pac rat. it might come with being an artist, my whole life i always thought "i can use that! somehow..." so i saved it. i hate to think of perfectly good things sitting in landfills. freecycle may have saved my sanity. i also have memories that are linked to things, for example one of the below i was wearing in the summer of 96 when my friend barb and i drove across the country camping and exploring for 7 weeks. it was grand, it was like a rite of passage to womanhood. i think of this when i see the blue tank top. so when i was recently packing all of my clothes that don't fit right into a bag for the local women's shelter, i had to save it. and the green one, i have a thing for trees. it occurred to me i could make a lightweight bag for my kids to keep their toys in from them. it drives me nuts to have all of the toy parts from the same toy or game all over the house. so i did. i just turned them inside out and sewed the bottom together. i tried to use an overedge stitch on the blue one, because i got a new sewing machine and i wanted to try it. i should have googled it first because i don't how you're supposed to do it. so then i just did a straight stitch above. they came out great. here they are. and as the universe would have it, one is blue and one is green, my kids favorite colors.

loud wheel dog

so loud wheel dog eh? where'd that come from? well it's a drawing i made in chalk on the floor of the glass blowing studio in college. (yes, i technically hold a degree, a BFA, in glassblowing and ceramics) it made me laugh. i drew him in my sketchbook, he visits my subconscious sometimes and again, i laugh. he comes out on the driveway when i'm drawing with chalk with my kids, he's the pet i'd want if i had one... he'd be easy to walk. when i decided i was going to write this blog. i figured ok, i'll set it up, let's see what happens. i clicked the button then up pops this question, what name? what domain? i was like what? i need a name? damn, i didn't think about that, crap this is going to take another year. but what pops into my head first? yup, you got it, loud wheel dog. so i thought, ok well what am i going to write about? will this title fit? and then i thought, i want to write about my kids, my passions for things from home birth and breast feeding to sewing, my lack of knitting progress, to glass casting, making trains out of junk mail, drawing on each other with skin crayons, my crafting, my art...is that the same?....ahhh age old question, see i even digress in my thoughts.... and i figured yeah ok it's a little wackado but so am i and that's what i'm doing here, feeding my soul by being who i am and saying what i feel. so yup loud wheel dog. i figure the ride will be swift and fun and bumpy and well he kind of has a mane to hold onto.

the picky eaters

soooooo my family is tops in picky eating. seriously. i was vegan for 17 years. then i started eating beef, not just oh hey i'm out i'll have a burger beef, grass fed, free range, my herbalist raises the cattle himself out in utah, beef. then eggs from the farm nearby, no not from the diner on I95 so it's easy to travel eggs.... and chicken sometimes from said farm. but not milk or butter or .... well you get the idea, so now i'm not vegan anymore just picky. my husband, tom, he doesn't eat vegetables. none. never. zilch. he orders chicken fried rice, no vegetables, cheesesteak, no peppers or onions, cheeseburger just the burger and the cheese... again, you get the idea. so ok again, picky. now the kids: kid #2 is 19 months old and she will eat anything i give her, look me in the eye and say "thank you mommy" "mmmmm good" "i love you mommy". ohhh nice! not picky! and she likes meat. really, she sees me take meat out of the fridge and she says "meat! meat! i want meat!" crazy. but kind of explains the HUGE cravings for beef i had when i was pregnant with her. she's a little crazy too, which might explain the cravings for jack daniels..... but she didn't get any of the latter inutero... anyway i digress. she also nurses like it's just business, pops off and says "i'm done. thank you"...but she's got time...

kid #1, he wouldn't even eat food until over 18months old. breastmilk was all the kid wanted. he ate oatios, an apple here or there, but had NO interest in food. he's now 4 and somedays he'll eat curried red lentils and spinach, somedays he'll eat sauteed kale and a burger...grass fed ;) somedays he'll eat at my favorite ethiopian restaurant. and somedays....or some weeks he will only eat pancakes. or wait, crackers. or the newest love, pancake puff. and these weeks are becoming more of a common scene then the healthy options. and he won't eat my soup anymore! soooo enter my new favorite cookbook. my friend fiona heard of my pancake weeks issue and lent it to me. it's jessica seinfeld's deceptively delicious. and seriously, it may be deceptive but it is delicious! i made brownies with spinach in them. really! spinach! the boy ate em up. i make pancakes with sweet potatoes in them, woo hoo! she changed everything with suggesting adding the purees to things. very cool. tonight i made chicken rice balls. and tom ate them! my nana told me long ago i should mash carrots and put them in tomato sauce for tom. my reply, "i'm not his mother, if he doesn't want to eat vegetables he doesn't have to" now. i AM someone's mother and dammit my boy is going to eat his vegetables! so right on jessica seinfeld, thanks! and nana, well i told her she should have written a book about mashing those carrots into the sauce, then she could have been a millionaire! ha!

wow...hello...here we go!

hi well here i am in cyber space. i have a lot of ideas in my head, i don't get a lot of sleep and i have 2 small children that consume almost all of my energy. the remainder of that energy goes to my husband, who after 11 years, i still want to spend all my free time with, and to feeding us all. but... i'm an artist. and i don't feel quite whole if i'm not creating, writing, making.... and so here i am. it's been a year on this journey towards feeding my soul. last year my amazing husband gave me a copy of "the creative family" by amanda blake soule because i am, in the depths of my soul, an artist and he could see i wasn't getting my creating in, so i read this book, i was instantly feeling like there were other women like me, who all of a sudden found themselves educated, married, opinionated, talented and well, mothers. i'd found a "village" you could say. anyway it started with a pair of pants for my daughter made from a pair of my favorite jeans that ripped off of me...at story time...at the library....but that's a whole other story... i borrowed a sewing machine from my friend (and partner in mothering till we drop) nancy. and the making felt good. i sewed with my son. we made flip dolls.

we made a birthday banner. i made him a birthday crown.

so here i am putting handmade back into my life. i need there to be things crafted with love near me. the plastic toys drive me nuts. i like feeling life in the things i hold. i like watching my children hold and play with things that are real. i am writing this blog because i have found a lifeline in amanda's blog and i love keeping in touch with my cousin and her family in her blog, feeling connected to her while we both create. so it's mostly for me i think, a journal, maybe for my kids to someday see, perhaps? or maybe for you, if there is a you out there reading this, to connect with us or to keep in touch. so... here we go!